The Grandmothers’ Revolt: Between Love and Burnout
© KarmaWeather by Konbi - All rights reserved
Grandmother, the default nanny?
There was a time when grandmothers embodied the sweet nostalgia of Wednesday afternoon snacks and summer holiday cuddles. Their role was limited to occasional visits, a family refuge where one could be pampered. But today, “granny” has become an institution, a key piece in the family machinery, caught in an endless cycle.
The reason is simple: modern life has changed everything. With both parents working, long hours, and skyrocketing childcare costs, who do we call for help? Grandma, of course! Always available, free, and full of love… in theory. In practice, some feel like they’ve become full-time childcare providers—without ever signing up for the job.
The cost of living is soaring, nannies are scarce, daycare centers are full… So, willingly or not, grandmothers step in. A Wednesday here, a weekend there, then every day after school, and soon entire holidays. Until some reach their breaking point.
Today’s grandmothers are no longer just storytellers or comforting presences. They have become central figures in the daily management of children, far beyond what they had imagined.
Once called upon for special moments, they now juggle school pickups, meals, homework, and extracurricular activities. This shift is driven by economic pressures and the structure of the modern workforce, leaving young parents with few alternatives.
While some embrace this role with joy, others begin to experience a sense of exhaustion, even psychological fatigue, as they find themselves trapped in a new, imposed form of parenthood.
The Different Types of Modern Grandmothers
The “All-in Grandmothers”
They accept their role with affection (and sometimes a hint of resignation). They care for their grandchildren with energy, passing down recipes and memories… but over time, exhaustion takes its toll.
The “Burnout Grandmothers”
They love their grandchildren, of course, but between grocery shopping, car rides, tantrums, and sleepless nights, they’re nearing parental burnout… at over 65! They rarely complain, but secretly dream of taking a personal day off—except they’re retired!
The “Rebellious Grandmothers”
They say NO. No to waking up at 6 AM to drop off the kids at school, no to being the “free vacation camp,” no to reliving the double workload of parenthood. They claim a retirement on their terms, time for themselves, travel, yoga, evenings with friends… a life without bottles and homework supervision.
A Psychological Fatigue Beyond Physical Strain
While we often talk about the exhaustion of working parents, we forget about grandmothers’ fatigue—one that is socially invisible. In psychology, we know that the feeling of losing control over one’s time and autonomy can lead to mental exhaustion.
The Inner Conflict: Love vs. Frustration
Grandmothers are torn between two emotions: love for their grandchildren and frustration at seeing their personal freedom shrink. Some feel guilty for refusing to help, while others bottle up their fatigue in silence. This emotional tension can lead to irritability, low energy, and even psychological distress.
The “Role Overload” Syndrome
In social psychology, there’s a well-known phenomenon: when individuals take on a role that exceeds their initial expectations, they experience stress and a loss of control. Many grandmothers never anticipated parenting again—especially not under obligation.
The Need for Recognition
When a mother helps her adult child by caring for the grandchildren, it’s considered normal. Yet, this help is rarely acknowledged. Many grandmothers end up feeling unappreciated because their role is seen as an expectation rather than a sacrifice. And lack of recognition is a major factor in burnout.
Social and Family Pressure
Saying “no” to one’s own children is never easy. Many grandmothers feel societal pressure: to be “a good grandmother,” they must be available, loving, and never complain. But where is their own well-being in all this?
Why They Say No
What’s surprising isn’t that some grandmothers refuse to be full-time babysitters, but that it still shocks people. Is a grandmother who doesn’t want to watch her grandchildren selfish?
Their response: “We’ve already done our part!”
Many of these women raised their children while working full-time, without help from their own parents, often under tougher conditions than today. Why should they sacrifice their retirement—the long-awaited “second life”—to go through parenthood all over again?
The Right to Freedom
Retirement doesn’t mean unlimited free time to give away. Rebellious grandmothers want to travel, pursue hobbies, discover new passions… and most importantly, not be defined solely by their family role.
Societal Judgment
The problem is that society hasn’t fully accepted this idea yet. A grandmother who doesn’t want to babysit must justify herself, defend her choices, sometimes even endure subtle reproaches:
- “But don’t you want to spend time with them?”
- “You’re lucky to have a family—some people would love to be in your shoes!”
- “In the past, grandmothers always took care of the children—it’s normal!”
In short, rebellious grandmothers are sometimes seen as selfish… when in reality, they are simply defending their right to a chosen retirement.
A Justified Revolt?
Some speak out without hesitation:
“I love my grandchildren, but I want to enjoy my life. I see them when I want to, not when I’m expected to.” – Emmy, 68.
“When I raised my kids, no one helped me. Why should I now be constantly available for theirs?” – Anne, 72.
“I played nanny for two years as a favor, then realized it would never stop. I had to say STOP before I lost my mind.” – Jill, 65.
These rebellious grandmothers aren’t heartless. They love their grandchildren, of course, but they are pushing back against an imposed role. Maybe one day, we’ll stop seeing grandmothers as a given and recognize that family should be a balanced structure—where everyone has their space.
And you, are you more of a doting granny or a rebellious one?